Into the Great Wide Open in a Very Small Space

Picture this: you're sitting in the passenger seat of a Ford Escape that is literally filled to the bursting-at-the-seams point. Your feet are resting on a collapsed dog crate that is serving as the floor mat. You have a 17-pound rodent on your lap and your left hand is asleep because the animal has been sleeping in the crook of your elbow for 4 hours. There are framed pictures behind you that could slide forward and crack you in the skull at any point. The driver is going 5 miles under the speed limit at any given time. You are listening to Dane Cook BY CHOICE because if you hear Adele's Rolling in the Deep one more time on the radio, you will reach for the rodent's paw and shove it in your ear in attempt to burst your ear drum. Add on to this 10.5 hour car trip a two hour delay because your husband thought the local Comcast was closed on Fridays when in reality it has been closed SINCE MAY 22, 2009. So you have to drive 2 hours out of your way, wait until 10 am, and then wait in line to return a cable box that should've been returned last week. You then finally arrive at your destination, 13.5 hours later, only to realize you're sleeping at a Red Roof Inn in Columbus and you have to get to eat KFC for dinner. Also, on the bedside table of the hotel room, there is a sheet which is a veritable crash course on how not to get robbed/mugged/murdered/or raped while staying at a Red Roof Inn in Columbus. Every 25 minutes, for the duration of the night, the rodent wakes up to bark at the air conditioner. Does this sound like your idea of hell? Cause that was my Tuesday.